Book Review

Just finished the book The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing. The book features what hospice nurse Bronnie Ware has learned about life and regret from the dying patients she tends. The book is very enlightening but also very, very surprising. It's a rather quick read, but for those who don't have time for books I've included a quick summary of the top 5 regrets.

1. I wish I had spent less time with people

Patients wished they would have spent more quality time alone in their bed with their laptop.

2. I wish I had taken the time to finish the Sopranos.

Even the patients that did believe in an afterlife were worried there wouldn't be HBO GO access there.

3. I wish I had the the courage to repress my feelings.

"It just wasn't worth the time and effort," the majority of the dying said.

4. I wish had spent more time aimlessly browsing the internet.

Most agreed while Facebook can distract from accomplishing work, once you start watching that video of kittens going down a slide, you don't even remember you are going to die alone.

5. I wish I had slept more.

There were a variety of things listed as people's ultimate regret: Lying to a loved one, missing the concert of their favorite band right before they broke up, bangs, but not one person listed napping. Ever.

Inside Joke at the Moontower Comedy Festival

This April was the third annual Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin. I was lucky enough to interview many of the comics that came to the fest along with my co-host John Merriman. This year we talked to Fred Armisen, Maria Bamford, Hannibal Buress, the Sklar Brothers, and more hilarious people that made me incredibly nervous but were totally delightful.

Check out the interviews here.


Moment of Truth

Lashonda Lester and I counted down the top ten Lifetime movies last night for our Moment of Truth show at Spiderhouse Ballroom. Here's a clip from the #2 movie, Kate's Secret, that features Meredith Baxter binging while creepy music plays.

Top secret list of potential SXSW drop-ins

I'll be at Cap City this week - March 12th to March 15th. Shows are at 8 with additional 10:30 shows on Friday and Saturday. The hilarious Bengt Washburn headlines.

It is SXSW, so that means there is a lot of potential for special guests. I've been doing some snooping and got access to the list of probable drop-ins for Cap City this week. 

Some of the rumored big times are:

Bill Cosby

Steve Martin


Bill Murray


Other British bands

Braniac the very brainy comedian

SXSW keynote speaker Lady Gaga (under the name Lady Ha Ha)

Industry types

Grumpy cat's first stand up set

Murder City Devils


Dune Bug

Big Mamma Boom Boom's urban showcase

Sir Paul McCartney

The cast of the Cosby show

A hip young comedian you haven't heard of because you are out of touch

Baby Dane Cook

Giancarlo Esposito reprising his role as Buggin' Out

Hipsters who don't self identify as hipsters

Hipsters who do self identify as hipsters

The cast of the Cosby Mysteries

Hilario the Great, magic and comedy

The snails I've been finding on my porch at night

+ many more

SXSW Pick Up Lines

South by Southwest is quickly approaching. There will be lots of talented, attractive, successful people visiting Austin. How will you ever have a chance of scoring with them? Here are some pick up lines to set you a part from the pack.


There's a secret show going on in my bedroom tonight and you're invited. But you got RSVP online. For reals. Even though I am not even going to check when you get there. You still got to RSVP.

Do you want to go shopping for unflattering pants with me?

Hey, Babe! I got some free condoms and Vitawater this morning…and I'm all out Vitawater.
Must not puke from Vitawater overconsumption for this line to work

That vintage aviation suit looks good on you but it would look better on the floor of my friend's living room because I am currently renting out my place on Airbnb for some extra cash and crashing on my friend's couch.

I don't know what you are doing later, but I built a reinforced tunnel beneath the Fader Fort over the past two months and you look like the kind of boy/girl that would be good at the army crawl.
End line with a wink

You're the cutest boy/girl in I've seen in a bra top made out of reclaimed wood all day and I've seen about 33.

My friend owns a helicopter and can get us out of here.
To be used towards the end of the festival





KRW - Karaoke Recommendation Wednesday

In honor of good ol' Georgie's birthday yesterday, i bring you "My Sweet Lord." It has a nice build to it with the signature Spector Wall of Sound at the end which makes it perfect for a large group. 

Some karaoke places may try to cheat you out of the ending which is the best part. What's the point of doing My Sweet Lord if you are not making your friend's endure Sanskirt chanting of the Hindu gods?

I highly recommend the Scorsese directed George Harrison: Living in a Material World  available on HboGo streaming. The 208 minute two-part documentary will have you missing George more than ever. But there's always this clip from the 2004 Harrison tribute to help you reminisce (Where does Prince's guitar go at the end?).

What's that? You don't have an HboGo. Are you okay? Do you need help? Should I call a doctor? Nod once if you've been kidnapped.

Thanatophobic Movie Reviews


The perfect movie for kids of all ages be reminded death is around the corner even at a Prince concert (Not recommended for people who don't want Prince ruined forever). Everyone loves a parade, especially one that gases you to death. You haven't thought about gas chambers in awhile have you? Also, Jack Nicholson churns out a surprisingly entertaining performance as the Joker.



A 3 hour and 20 minutes terror filled romp scored by Celine Dion. Drowning, freezing, flinging your body from great heights, it will be hard to concentrate on just one way to aguishly die. You won't even have time to notice the shitty love story. 



A thriller indeed. This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat sweating. Feel your heart race to an absurd speed as you ponder whether suffocation or exploding would kill you first. Or is it imploding? I can never keep the two straight, but for some reason imploding definitely sounds more painful. Also, Sandra Bullock has some regrets about her kids.*


Panic Room

Just get out! Just get out! Why was a panic room ever built in the first place. You can have just built a tunnel system to the ousted. That's what I would do if I had enough money.


Charlie and the Chocolate Factory


Wild Dreamer

I had a dream last night that during the Grammys Seal was singing and Sting was doing some free-form dancing on the sidelines. Elton John spotted Sting's horrible funky dancing and threw some shade. The video online wasn't loading well as I tried to show friends eager to watch. I told them all I would find the youtube clip and email it out. The End.