Online Dating Transmissions from 2089

OMG Cupid recently held their third event. I've been lucky enough to be added as producer to Austin's only show devoted to the wretched and humorous world of online dating. Here's the piece I wrote for the last show about the ghost of online dating future.

Transmission from 2089

Being 78419β: Greetings! Wow, I was just swiping through holograms and your smile lit up my pod dwelling right away. Before we potentially start any kind of body to body coupling, you should know there is someone special in my life…Ginger. Don't worry, she's just my pet alien! She's a rescue, but sometimes i wonder who rescued who. She technically rescued me from a radioactive asteroid shower, but now she lives with me and i care for her. Both argument are valid. She's great, but she will try and murder any female that gets near me. If you two ever meet, I'll have to crate her. Speaking of meeting, it would be great to sit down in person and read each other’s minds. 

Being 49473δ: Hello, 78419β. I've enjoyed your holographic images as well. A little bit about me - I’m 32 year old professor at the University of Saturn and I teach the History of Internet Cat Videos. I like cooking and playing vintage video games like Candy Crush and Farmville. Hope you like nerds, LOL. What do you like to do with your spare time? Also, i want to grow two children.

Being 78419β: You sound cool and chill. I’m a nerd too. In fact, I still read! I recently finished the Da Vinci Code and have just started the Collected Works of Twitter. For work, I'm a interstellar trans-galaxy omega G-space pilot, but what I really want to do is write. Drinks Wednesday?

PS. Did i mention your hologram has pretty eyes?

Being 49473δ: Wednesday sounds perfect. I can't wait to meet and talk. Does fifteen minutes sound good or is that too long? You better not end of being a cyborg like that last one...

Being 78419β: Sound exquisite. Don’t worry. I’m all skin and bone and optimized flesh gel. Let's meet at the Interphasion Lounge and share some laffs over a glass of hallucinogenic serum.

Being 49473δ: I had a great time on Wednesday. Sorry I was running late and had to send a computer generated image of myself. I downloaded the data into my brain later that night and it seemed like we had a really great time. Yay! Let's meet in person soon and touch genitals. Friday?

Being 78419β: Darn, Friday I'm kind of busy. I have a side gig where I cure diseases. Saturday?

Being 49473δ: Saturday is no good. Saturdays I chant to my sun crystals in five hour blocks to recharge my corporeal being. I know, I'm such hippie, but it’s the only thing that keeps me from flinging by body into the endless, black abyss. Next Tuesday?

Being 78419β: Tuesdays aren’t good. Me and my boyz like to shoot space rockets into the atmosphere while yelling things. No women or beings that identify as women allowed. What’s your June like?

Being 49473δ: June's pretty packed. July?

Being 78419β: July 2089 or July 2090?

Being 49473δ: 2090

Being 78419β: Ooh, no good. I plan on moving to Saturn in 2090. It is part of the pact I made with Ginger when she saved me from the radioactive asteroid shower. Long story, LOL. Sorry, forgot to mention it before. Not looking for anything serious, just friends with benefits.

Being 49473δ is now offline