This April was the third annual Moontower Comedy Festival in Austin. I was lucky enough to interview many of the comics that came to the fest along with my co-host John Merriman. This year we talked to Fred Armisen, Maria Bamford, Hannibal Buress, the Sklar Brothers, and more hilarious people that made me incredibly nervous but were totally delightful.
Check out the interviews here.
contemplating decay/eating pizza
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Lashonda Lester and I counted down the top ten Lifetime movies last night for our Moment of Truth show at Spiderhouse Ballroom. Here's a clip from the #2 movie, Kate's Secret, that features Meredith Baxter binging while creepy music plays.
I'll be at Cap City this week - March 12th to March 15th. Shows are at 8 with additional 10:30 shows on Friday and Saturday. The hilarious Bengt Washburn headlines.
It is SXSW, so that means there is a lot of potential for special guests. I've been doing some snooping and got access to the list of probable drop-ins for Cap City this week.
Some of the rumored big times are:
Bill Cosby
Steve Martin
Coldplay
Bill Murray
Oasis
Other British bands
Braniac the very brainy comedian
SXSW keynote speaker Lady Gaga (under the name Lady Ha Ha)
Industry types
Grumpy cat's first stand up set
Murder City Devils
Sinbad
Dune Bug
Big Mamma Boom Boom's urban showcase
Sir Paul McCartney
The cast of the Cosby show
A hip young comedian you haven't heard of because you are out of touch
Baby Dane Cook
Giancarlo Esposito reprising his role as Buggin' Out
Hipsters who don't self identify as hipsters
Hipsters who do self identify as hipsters
The cast of the Cosby Mysteries
Hilario the Great, magic and comedy
The snails I've been finding on my porch at night
+ many more
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South by Southwest is quickly approaching. There will be lots of talented, attractive, successful people visiting Austin. How will you ever have a chance of scoring with them? Here are some pick up lines to set you a part from the pack.
There's a secret show going on in my bedroom tonight and you're invited. But you got RSVP online. For reals. Even though I am not even going to check when you get there. You still got to RSVP.
Do you want to go shopping for unflattering pants with me?
Hey, Babe! I got some free condoms and Vitawater this morning…and I'm all out Vitawater.
Must not puke from Vitawater overconsumption for this line to work
That vintage aviation suit looks good on you but it would look better on the floor of my friend's living room because I am currently renting out my place on Airbnb for some extra cash and crashing on my friend's couch.
I don't know what you are doing later, but I built a reinforced tunnel beneath the Fader Fort over the past two months and you look like the kind of boy/girl that would be good at the army crawl.
End line with a wink
You're the cutest boy/girl in I've seen in a bra top made out of reclaimed wood all day and I've seen about 33.
My friend owns a helicopter and can get us out of here.
To be used towards the end of the festival
THERE ARE LIKE 30 MILLION PEOPLE IN A ONE MILE RADIUS, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD DON'T MAKE ME GO HOME ALONE TONIGHT
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In honor of good ol' Georgie's birthday yesterday, i bring you "My Sweet Lord." It has a nice build to it with the signature Spector Wall of Sound at the end which makes it perfect for a large group.
Some karaoke places may try to cheat you out of the ending which is the best part. What's the point of doing My Sweet Lord if you are not making your friend's endure Sanskirt chanting of the Hindu gods?
I highly recommend the Scorsese directed George Harrison: Living in a Material World available on HboGo streaming. The 208 minute two-part documentary will have you missing George more than ever. But there's always this clip from the 2004 Harrison tribute to help you reminisce (Where does Prince's guitar go at the end?).
What's that? You don't have an HboGo. Are you okay? Do you need help? Should I call a doctor? Nod once if you've been kidnapped.
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Batman
The perfect movie for kids of all ages be reminded death is around the corner even at a Prince concert (Not recommended for people who don't want Prince ruined forever). Everyone loves a parade, especially one that gases you to death. You haven't thought about gas chambers in awhile have you? Also, Jack Nicholson churns out a surprisingly entertaining performance as the Joker.
Titanic
A 3 hour and 20 minutes terror filled romp scored by Celine Dion. Drowning, freezing, flinging your body from great heights, it will be hard to concentrate on just one way to aguishly die. You won't even have time to notice the shitty love story.
Gravity
A thriller indeed. This movie will keep you on the edge of your seat sweating. Feel your heart race to an absurd speed as you ponder whether suffocation or exploding would kill you first. Or is it imploding? I can never keep the two straight, but for some reason imploding definitely sounds more painful. Also, Sandra Bullock has some regrets about her kids.*
Panic Room
Just get out! Just get out! Why was a panic room ever built in the first place. You can have just built a tunnel system to the ousted. That's what I would do if I had enough money.
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
KIDS ARE JUST CONSTANTLY DYING AND WHERE ARE THOSE OOMPA LOOMPAS TAKING THEM?!
I had a dream last night that during the Grammys Seal was singing and Sting was doing some free-form dancing on the sidelines. Elton John spotted Sting's horrible funky dancing and threw some shade. The video online wasn't loading well as I tried to show friends eager to watch. I told them all I would find the youtube clip and email it out. The End.
Locked inside my house today. Yes, inside. The lock was stuck in the locked position. Thank god I had this to play around with -
Here’s where I’ll be reposting articles I’ve written for other websites as well as posting thoughts directly from my brain.
To start, here’s an article I wrote about failing on twitter.